Ok. I fell. It happens. I'm not a horrible person because of it. It's a learning point. We all have learning points, we all have lessons. It's what you do with that lesson that matters. I can own it or I can let it kill me. My choice.
When my brother died, I put myself on hold. I rushed out to Arizona, ate cafeteria food and whatever was available. My goal was to be there and survive it. I did.
When I came back, I was on auto pilot.
I grieved in a very weird sort of way. I had to come to grips with my actual lack of grief due to a non-existent relationship with my brother. This caused me to worry I was burying it and while I was busy digging around in my head, I put myself on hold once again. I ate whatever, I didn't work out and I lost my ambition. I got lazy and my goal was to get through the day. Sluggish, no motivation, no emotion except for despair and depression.
I checked my glucose today. It was bad. Like really bad, pre-diagnosis bad. I have to do something. I really do. I cannot continue on like this, I'll get sick and I'm so afraid of being sick again. Hell, as it is, Bells Palsy that I had 20+ years ago seems to be creeping into my face again.
What to do, what to do, what to do... I needed to have a conversation with myself.
Do I like where I am? NO!
Do I want to stay here? HELL NO!
So, what am I going to do then? I can pick myself back up. I can move forward. I can start again. Right? I'm a stubborn, badassed woman. I can do this.
I CAN AND I WILL!