Medication Hell

i feel great.jpg

I have a terrible tendency to play with my medications. I take a boatload of them (anti-depressants, blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds, diabetes meds plus various supplements - b12, probiotics) in effort to live a "normal" life.

(define normal for me, willya?)

Whenever I feel great, some little wicked thought-goblin whispers in my ear, "hey, you don't need to take those meds! you're normal now, healthy, strong." As I don't want to take meds in the first place, I agree with that dastardly thought-goblin. So, I drop a med. In this case, I cut down on my diabetes medication because... oh hell. Don't make me explain my thinking. It's embarrassing.

Depression, that rat bastard, starts to creep in but I put it down to my year from hell (cancer, new job, lost my brother, blah blah). Depression starts getting stronger and my sleep time reduces (my thought then is that I'm not getting enough "me" time so I stay up late to get it). Finally, my stomach kicks in gear and I have issues that the probiotic should be taking care of - only it doesn't. So, I switch probiotics to one that keeps me in the bathroom several times per day. My stomach is in turmoil, my body is confused as hell, I'm depressed and not eating well. Then, yesterday, I started to get the cotton-mouth that is associated with diabetes.


Today I'm back on my full medication regime and am waiting for the circle to go back to "I feel great!"

Why do I do this to myself??